I Feel Like Things Are Going So Amazingly Great

Things seem to be going even better than I had expected.

I feel so much more at ease and comfortable around Dennis.  He even admitted to a lie!  Say I'm setting myself up for a hard fall, I don't care, but I'm so amazingly happy.  It seems like nothing could ruin this wonderful feeling.

We took my old laptop to Geek Squad at Best Buy to be sent out today.  I also ordered a new netbook online.  When my old laptop comes back I'm going to give it to my mother.  That way my sister, my mother, and I all have our own computers again.  It makes everything so much easier that way.  Dennis said he will change a few things with my new netbook to make it faster and better.  It should arrive by Tuesday.

That's pretty much all I can think of right now.

Good night.

I Hate The Nights When Sleep Escapes Me

5:30a and, go figure, I can't sleep.

I guess things have been going well since I tried to figure things out.  Dennis and I have been a lot better now that I don't feel that between us.  My horoscope said something about a "residential move", and Dennis mentioned keeping some clothes in his room.  I'm so terrified at the thought.  Why am I so pathetic?  It's just a few clothes.

I hate commitment issues.

Finally

I finally have things somewhat figured out enough to post again, but I am a bit too tired right now.  I apologize.

Good night.

Decision?

I think I may have made a decision about what to do, I just haven't carried it out yet.

I may not.  I'm not sure I have enough confidence.

We shall see, I guess.
Good-night.

I'm Not Sure What To Do With Myself

I'm so completely out of my mind confused.  I wish I could make sense of all these emotions.  I wish I didn't psychoanalyze everything.

I'm not sure what to write, I'll get back to my blog once I figure a few things out.  I hope this is a lot easier than I think it's going to be, I'm not good at this type of stuff.

I guess we shall just have to wait and see.

Well, I Guess That's Some Good News

I went to my doctor appointment today and he said my foot for sure isn't broken.

I tried to call the owners of the barn to let them know, but they didn't answer.  I was also kind of hoping to pick up the money that they were going to pay me.  Oh well, I'll just call back tomorrow.  I wish this stupid foot would heal fast, I really want to get back to the barn again.

After my doctor appointment, I stopped at Tops to get some toilet paper and drop off my note from the doctor saying I can't work this week.  I was talking to my friend while she was fixing one of the machines in the bottle room when the father of my horrible ex walked in.  I absolutely can't stand the guy!  That whole family is really fucked up.  Whatever, I'm completely over it.

I am picking up Dennis at either 4p or 4:30p from his new job.  He was super nervous, but I'm sure he did fine.  He's a fast learner.  I can't wait to go looking for a new laptop with him.

Well, I guess that has pretty much been my day so far.
Ta-ta for now!

Today Sucked

I felt so useless.

I had nothing planned.  I always have something planned, whether it be work, the barn, something!  My cousin, Andrea, texted me and said if I was bored I could hang out at her house for awhile with her.  It was so fun.  We made green beans in a garlic and butter sauce, delicious!  Dennis ended up coming over after he got done at work with his dad.  We all had ice cream with chocolate on top and wine. 

After saying good-bye to Andrea, I went over to Dennis' house to hang out.  We decided that on Saturday we're going to go look at netbooks.  I really need a new laptop.  I figured I would be nice and just give my old one to mom, so that way we each have our own computers again.  I ended up fooling Dennis' dog, Buddy, by pretending to throw his ball and then hiding it.  He looked for it for 5 minutes before he finally gave up, or maybe he just forgot.  I think Dennis coming in with crackers after he got out of the shower may have distracted Buddy enough.  Eventually, Buddy just grabbed another toy.

I'm not too sure what to do.  I've been very confused lately.  I just don't know what to think of the emotions I've been feeling lately.  I've been trying to ignore them, but they flood in even stronger.  I wish things weren't this complicated.

My sister, Beth, of course has done nothing at the house.  They wonder why I'm never at the house anymore.  Hm, I wonder.  Maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with how annoying she is and how completely disastrous the house is!  Yes, I could clean it so that it wasn't that bad.  But, let me ask you this:  Why clean when I know that not 10 minutes later it's going to be destroyed again?  Every time I clean, Beth manages to destroy it within a record breaking time.  Not to mention the fact that I'm working my ass off to clean the house while she's sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing.  Slightly irritating, no?  I've nearly given up on this "family".  My "family" says I don't act like part of the family, but why should I when they don't treat me like one?  Beth was invited to go to Alaska with my mom.  She turned down the amazing offer and that was the end of it.  I would have killed to go on that trip, but I wasn't even a glimpse of a thought in their minds.  When I mentioned it to mom her response was:  "Well, I thought you might have work."  I had vacation time!  I could have gotten paid to go to Alaska with them, but obviously not.

I go to the doctor for a follow-up appointment for my foot tomorrow at 1p.  I honestly think something is wrong with it.  When I try to walk something slips over to the right and out of place, then goes back to the left and feels in place again.  I don't know, I'll mention it to him and we shall see where that goes.

Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.

Denny's Was So Fun!

Yeah, that's right, we went to Denny's. Haha.

P ended up coming with L, Dennis, and me.  It was hilarious.  Dennis and I saw flashing lights when we came home.  It was a policeman pulling someone over.  These lights were so bright that I couldn't even see the white line on the side of the road!  It completely fucked up my depth perception.  It really was completely unnecessarily bright.  When we got back to his house, to say the least, we had a very revealing conversation. Haha, it was either really funny because I'm super tired, or just really funny.

I'm not sure what to do with myself tomorrow.  Because of my foot, I can't work or anything.  I'm going to feel so useless!

Oh, and something new that I forgot, which I feel terrible about doing, is that my mother is in Alaska!  I'm so jealous.  She was so nice.  She sent my sister, Dennis, and me a postcard.  How thoughtful!

Well, that is all for now.  I need to take care of some serious business, it's bad. 
Ta-ta!

Yeah, I've Kind Of Been Neglecting Blogger

I greatly apologize, it's been crazy.

Well, I guess I should start with the most recent event.  I got stepped on by a horse at the horse barn I clean stalls at.  It was NOT fun!   Basically, the horses stayed in because of the rain.  Due to them staying in, I had to move each of the horses into the indoor arena to clean their stalls.  I moved two of the horses into the arena and one of them can get very pushy.  He got pushy and tried to take off into the arena.  While in the process of taking off, he stepped on my left foot with his hind right hoof.  Usually when I get stepped on it's no big deal, it's just the toes.  But, this time he stepped on the top of my foot.  Long story short, I ended up in the Emergency Room getting x-rays.  Luckily, nothing was broken.  They gave me an orthopedic shoe and some crutches.  I'm allowed to resume "normal activity" 7/26, but they suggest no "prolonged standing".  Haha, how hilariously funny when all I do at work as a cashier is stand.  Go figure I work in the one place where chairs do not exist.

Tonight, Dennis, L, and I are all going to Denny's.  I'm so excited.  L and I always have so much fun together, let alone when we go to Denny's.

There's a lot that has been on my mind and going on, but I'm not even sure where to start.  I guess the real problem is that I'm not too sure what to do about it all.  I'm not good with "serious conversations", even though they are obviously necessary.  I guess what is just making it worse is the fact that I'm holding it in.  I'm the kind of person that needs to vent, not hold it in.  Holding something in always leads to worse things.  But, like I said, I just don't know how to go about it all. 

Dennis got fired from the blow in insulation job.  His boss was a real asshole.  Basically, his boss got lippy, had an attitude, ultimately told Dennis to shut his fucking mouth and Dennis didn't just sit there and take it.  His boss called Dennis' dad and told him that he's going to kick his sons ass and that his son is fired.  His dad told him he didn't have time to deal with that bullshit and called Dennis to let him know.  Dennis' boss never showed up and so Dennis called him to ask what was going on and he found out that he was fired.

Andrea, my cousin, is leaving for Kansas in two weeks.  I just want to cry.  She used to go to Geneseo and I never saw her, but now she won't be around for two years!  At least with Geneseo I could take a weekend off and go visit her, but now I can't. 

Well, I guess that's all I can think of right now.  I apologize for not writing for so long, I'll try to keep up with it again.

Wow, It's Been Awhile

Sorry for such a long delay, I've been dealing with things.

Well, I'm not sure where to begin.  I took Dennis to the barn.  In the nicest way possible, don't ask!  It went horribly.  I'm still kind of pissed off at myself because of that.  But, that's pretty much all the shit I'm dealing with at the moment besides the typical hating my sister stuff.  Oh, and damned womanly things.

In my eyes, Dennis and I have made a huge improvement step.  I'm not too sure if he wants me to tell, well, I guess I'm not really telling anyone, but still.  I'm not too sure if he wants me to make it public, so I shall keep it to myself.  But, it made me completely happy beyond all thought to know that he is comfortable enough to do so in front of me.  I love him!

Yes, after not writing for that long, that is all I have to say.

Oh, one more thing.  I love life.