Today Sucked

I felt so useless.

I had nothing planned.  I always have something planned, whether it be work, the barn, something!  My cousin, Andrea, texted me and said if I was bored I could hang out at her house for awhile with her.  It was so fun.  We made green beans in a garlic and butter sauce, delicious!  Dennis ended up coming over after he got done at work with his dad.  We all had ice cream with chocolate on top and wine. 

After saying good-bye to Andrea, I went over to Dennis' house to hang out.  We decided that on Saturday we're going to go look at netbooks.  I really need a new laptop.  I figured I would be nice and just give my old one to mom, so that way we each have our own computers again.  I ended up fooling Dennis' dog, Buddy, by pretending to throw his ball and then hiding it.  He looked for it for 5 minutes before he finally gave up, or maybe he just forgot.  I think Dennis coming in with crackers after he got out of the shower may have distracted Buddy enough.  Eventually, Buddy just grabbed another toy.

I'm not too sure what to do.  I've been very confused lately.  I just don't know what to think of the emotions I've been feeling lately.  I've been trying to ignore them, but they flood in even stronger.  I wish things weren't this complicated.

My sister, Beth, of course has done nothing at the house.  They wonder why I'm never at the house anymore.  Hm, I wonder.  Maybe, just maybe, it has something to do with how annoying she is and how completely disastrous the house is!  Yes, I could clean it so that it wasn't that bad.  But, let me ask you this:  Why clean when I know that not 10 minutes later it's going to be destroyed again?  Every time I clean, Beth manages to destroy it within a record breaking time.  Not to mention the fact that I'm working my ass off to clean the house while she's sitting on the couch doing absolutely nothing.  Slightly irritating, no?  I've nearly given up on this "family".  My "family" says I don't act like part of the family, but why should I when they don't treat me like one?  Beth was invited to go to Alaska with my mom.  She turned down the amazing offer and that was the end of it.  I would have killed to go on that trip, but I wasn't even a glimpse of a thought in their minds.  When I mentioned it to mom her response was:  "Well, I thought you might have work."  I had vacation time!  I could have gotten paid to go to Alaska with them, but obviously not.

I go to the doctor for a follow-up appointment for my foot tomorrow at 1p.  I honestly think something is wrong with it.  When I try to walk something slips over to the right and out of place, then goes back to the left and feels in place again.  I don't know, I'll mention it to him and we shall see where that goes.

Sometimes, I just don't know what to do with myself anymore.